A milonga is a social event where people dance for fun!
Where to dance For the Bay Area, you can look at www.tangomango.org/ or cabeceo.me or look for Facebook events in your area. The Bay Area tango scene is very active, and there's usually something going on every day of the week!
Many other cities also have active tango communites with their own websites and Facebook events.
Attire Dress up as much as you want! Typically skirts are knee-length or below, and think business casual. Some people choose to wear a suit, and some people wear nice jeans; similarly, some people wear dresses/skirts, and some people wear flowy pants. The most important thing is to bring shoes you can pivot in and clothes you can dance in.
Asking someone to dance Look around the room for someone you want to dance with, also known as mirada, who also looks like they want to dance. If you make eye contact with them, nod your head or give some other indication that acknowledges them, which is called cabeceo. Typically the leader will walk over to the follower to guide them to the floor.
Rejection (and how to handle it) If someone is asking you to dance with the cabeceo, the easiest way to refuse is to look away.
There are lots of reasons a person may not dance with you, and most of them have nothing to do with you. It could be that they don't like the music, they're tired, their feet hurt, they're hoping to dance with someone else, or they're having a lovely conversation and don't feel like dancing, etc. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't cabeceo you or respond to your cabeceo.
Dancing with your partner Who's leading and who's following? Traditionally, men lead and women follow, but anyone can do either. If someone is wearing heels, that's a good clue that they're following, but either role can wear flats. You can watch someone dance to determine what role they're doing, or you can just ask them! Some people do both, so communication is key!
How long do I dance with one person? Songs are organized into sets of 3 or 4, called a tanda, and you dance with the same person for a whole tanda, which is about 10-12 minutes. When the tanda ends, a cortina (literally translated, "curtain") of non-tango music will play, signaling couples to leave the floor. When you're done dancing, say "thank you" and leave the floor. Do not say "thank you" unless you want to stop dancing with your partner! If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you can say "thank you" and leave the tanda with no explanation needed.
Floorcraft and crash avoidance In tango, la ronda is the line of dance--a counter-clockwise circle. In a large room, there may be multiple concentric circles. This minimizes crashing into people and keeps everyone moving. Some ground rules:
Before entering the line of dance, the leader should make it clear to people who are already dancing that they plan to enter. This can be done by making eye contact with incoming leaders (to your left if you're entering the line of dance) so they can acknowledge your intent and make space for you to enter.
Stay in la ronda going counter-clockwise around the room. There may be multiple lanes--stay in yours!
Don't pass unless absolutely necessary. Good floorcraft means keeping the same distance between the couple front of you and behind you, and not passing people unless absolutely necessary.
If you crash into someone, apologize.
Types of music There are three kinds of music played at a milonga: tango, milonga, and vals. Each tanda will use only one of these types of music. Tango has a steady rhythm with a 2/4 or 4/4 time signature; milonga has a syncopated rhythm and is sometimes faster than tango; vals--waltz--uses rhythms in groups of 3 with 3/4 time signature. For more info and examples, see our page on tango music
Dealing with inappropriate language, touching, or behavior. You do not have to dance with anyone if you don't want to. If you are dancing with someone and they're making you uncomfortable for any reason, say "thank you" and leave the tanda. "No," and, "Stop," are also complete sentences. Please tell a milonga organizer, club board member, teacher, or other trusted individual what happened, as we take your safety and comfort very seriously. We will resolve the situation as we see fit, which may involve asking the problem individual to leave, and in severe cases, banning them from our events.