What is a milonga? A milonga is a social event where people dance for fun. Though there is sometimes a class before a milonga, at a milonga you don't practice or teach other people, you just have fun!
What should I wear to a milonga? Dress up as much as you want! Typically skirts are knee-length or below, and think business casual. Some people choose to wear a suit, and some people wear nice jeans. Make sure you bring shoes or socks you can pivot in.
How do I ask someone to dance? Look around the room for someone you want to dance with, also known as mirada, who also looks like they want to dance. If you make eye contact with them, nod your head or give some other indication that acknowledges them, which is called cabeceo. Typically the leader will walk over to the follower to guide them to the floor.
How long should I dance with the same person? Songs are organized into sets of 3 or 4, called a tanda, and you dance with the same person for a whole tanda, which is about 10-12 minutes. When the tanda ends, a cortina (non-tango music) will play, signaling couples to leave the floor. When you're done dancing, say "thank you" and leave the floor. Do not say "thank you" unless you want to stop dancing with your partner! If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you can say "thank you" and leave the tanda with no explanation needed.
Why is everyone dancing in a circle? In tango, the line of dance is a counter-clockwise circle. In a large room, there may be multiple concentric circles. This minimizes crashing into people and keeps everyone moving. Good floorcraft means keeping the same distance between the couple front of you and behind you, and not passing people unless absolutely necessary. If you crash into someone, apologize.
Why does some of the music sound different? There are 3 kinds of music played at a milonga: tango, milonga, and vals. Tango is what you normally hear, usually in 4. Milonga is sometimes a little faster and has a syncopated rhythm in the baseline. Vals is a waltz and is in 3.
Why am I not getting dances/why is this one person not dancing with me? There are lots of reasons a person may not dance with you, and most of them have nothing to do with you. It could be that they don't like the music, they're tired, their feet hurt, they're hoping to dance with someone else, or they're having a lovely conversation and don't feel like dancing, etc. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't cabeceo you or respond to your cabeceo.
How do I know who's leading and who's following? Traditionally, men lead and women follow, but anyone can do either role. If someone is wearing heels, that's a good clue that they're following, but either role can wear flats. You can watch someone dance to determine what role they're doing, or you can just ask them! Some people do both, so you never know!
What should I do if someone is being weird, saying inappropriate things, or touching me inappropriately? You do not have to dance with anyone, especially if they're creepy. If you are dancing with someone and they're being weird, say "thank you" and leave the tanda. "No" and "stop" are also complete sentences. Please tell a milonga organizer, club board member, teacher, or other trusted individual what happened, as we take your safety and comfort very seriously. We will resolve the situation as we see fit, which may involve asking the problem individual to leave, and in severe cases, banning them from our events.
Where should I go to dance tango in the community? For the Bay Area, you can look at www.tangomango.org/ or cabeceo.me or look for Facebook events in your area.